As I spend 75% of my time at school, being a teacher and conforming to a particular role, when I have a bit of 'downtime' I find it difficult to adjust. I find myself questioning who I am, how I should dress, etc, and as a result I end up with a big ol' headache. I think this is because of a number of reasons:
1. When I was younger (i.e. back in ye old days of secondary school) I was somewhat of an alternative child; this was partly because of the music I was into (cliche much?) but partly because I felt this reflected who I was. I'm not particularly pretty and was never going to be part of the 'in crowd' (although for a little while I was almost there but... it just wasn't for me- I'm just not very cool!). Anyhoo, because of the way I dressed I felt like I 'belonged' to a particular scene and that the way I dressed said something about who I was. Because of this I feel like the way I dress is quite important as it says something about me (what that is, I'm not really sure)
2. As I previously said I don't feel that fashion should be all I'm about. I'm not someone who is 'cool' enough to follow the latest trends; I don't buy fashion magazines and I don't necessarily always want to conform (if I like it, I'll wear it whether it's 'in' or not). However, now that I am a of a certain age I do worry that I should be dressing more my age (whatever that means).
3. The way I look has changed somewhat from when I was younger. During my teenage years I was super thin; in a weird way this kind of gave me an identity: I was the skinny girl with the big hair. However, as I have got older I have put on weight and inevitably having a baby adds on to that a little. I'm not huge but I don't feel as comfortable or confident as I have; part of this is due to a number of comments I have received from people about me looking 'pregnant' because of this I have a super complex and every outfit I wear has the 'do I look pregnant?' attached to it; I also think that this restricts what I feel comfortable wearing and ultimately adds to the confusion about what I should be wearing.
I do know that I need to do something about this sense of confusion. I want to feel more confident about the way I look; I also think having an idea of 'who I am' in regards to fashion might alleviate some of my crazy spending I've been doing of late. I have a lot of clothes (bags, shoes and accessories) and I think this is down to a number of reasons: I feel that buying particular items might make me feel a little happier about myself; because I'm unsure about what I should be wearing I tend to get side tracked by particular trends regardless of whether it's really me.
My ideas for how to achieve fashion enlightenment and/or confidence:
- I am contemplating joining the gym. I don't need to lose a huge amount of weight but I think toning up may help improve my confidence in wearing certain things.
- Creating a 'mood board' of things I like and clothes which I think suit me/I feel confident in. Sticking to these themes may prevent me from becoming distracted by trends (just because it looks good on someone else, doesn't mean it will look good on me!)
- If I see something I like I'm not going to rush into buying it; if I want it enough I will want it in a week's time!
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